Our Family!

Our Aunt Jamima came on Tuesday at 9:26. She weighed 6.2 lbs and was 18 in long. Well, i was scheduled for a Csection that day anyways but at 1:42, Megan our dog licked my face and I realized I had to pee. Well, on the run to the bathroom my water broke. Isn't that crazy that she sensed that? And then came the 45 min drive to Banner Good Sam. Passing all the other hospitals on the way really stunk. Contractions stayed 4 min apart, but at 9 her heart dipped so we were rushed into the OR. Csections are soooo easy. (i understand that i am weird for putting it) but compared to what i felt like before I am up and doing stuff again. They had trouble pulling her out which i still don't get. After all they could have just cut me longer, but they had to use suction to pull her out. Luckily, she just has a bruise on her head and it isn't cone shaped! They ran CT scans and MRI on me and by 2 i had Anika Noel in my room. It made me wish that i would have been able to have this experience with Ty but he stayed in the NICU the whole time. She is Beautiful and smelled so good. IT was relaxing to just sleep and feed her. Then, because nothing in my life will be easy, she lost too mush weight. The docs realized that she wasn't eating to well and that she couldn't suck. ODD. i thought that was innate but apparently when babies get sucktioned they lose this ability. So now my medella pump is my best friend and she has gained all her weight back. She got up twice last night just to eat and then go back to sleep. At 5 , i packed stuarts lunch and then grabbed her for her feeding, stuart came in and said, "take good care of our kids, Love you guys." and while i am not an emotional person this just got to me and stuart. So today, after killing the world getting everything organized yesturday i clame my position snuggled in my bed with a warm cup of apple cider. Mom and Great gram can take care of everything else. I am chillin. Watching the Survivor ending.


more pics to come!

New Relief, hope

In a week, we will be the proud parents of two, not just one, healthy bueatiful children. This alone has Stuart and I giddy and excited. Finally, for me an end to this chapter of my life. The doctors all agree that my body is on the verge of collapse and defeat. So this week Stuart and I with the help of my family try to find balance so that with the impeding birth comes a fresh start for my body. We know that this will be a short breath mabe even a quick exhale, but on some level normalcy will be felt. And we couldn't be more excited. Apprehensions are felt but we must just look to the wonders of it all. Two short years ago we were told that we would never have children of our own and in two short years we have two. We are trying to rationalize what we thought would be a more abundant family but now are accepting that two is great! I keep surpassing all medical prognoisis and am searching for new developments in my diagnoisis. It is a lonely island at times but then at least no one can tell us how to live our life. We are facing major financial battles as are tons of families. The acceptance of losing it all has become a reality that we are finally understanding. It is just a home and we have a family. What more can we be be wanting. Who would have thought all of this would be happening to us at once?
Stuart laughs at my theories and beliefs at the turn of this year. (both political, economical, and spiritual) He listens when I yell and then calms me down. What a great and patient man he is. I know that he didn't sign up for this but am grateful that he didn't walk away when he had the chance. (His oppertunity was at my first surgery when i awoke and did not know him at all, we had been married for only 6 mnths) It is amazing that the romanticism that is in this disease, but he truly proves it daily. (thanks movies that i will never watch) HE works exhausting hours to provide for our family and he gives of himself freely to all that need. He is a devoted friend to those that value it and understands the truthfulness of the gospel.
My parents understand that it is not their fault, there is nothing that they could have done to prevent it. (boomer) They help with everything. My father helps guide us through all the hard decisions by never losing site of the eternal perspective and my mom always shows compassion. Humor is sickness best cure. I can be in the worst pain and they make me laugh everything is better. They are busy bees and so now with both them and my grandparents here for the holidays my house is full. Sometimes it feels like Charlie and the Choclate factory when the only thing rational comes, with "I Like grapes." But atleast it is fun and entertaining.
Ty is a bundle of joy. Anika is a great kicker.
I tried to start journals to both him and Anika and just have not figuared out how to begin. I can not wait just to be a normal active mom yelling at my childs game. Mabe this will be a possiblilty after the next big chapter ends. It is true with one end comes another beginning. We will begin looking towards the next battle soon enough and for now i would rather concentrate on the blessings of motherhood rather than the cue ball that will have to be my new hair cut for a year. (too bad i am not a cute butch) The blessings are great and I am grateful that I am able to bare two children. I am grateful for family.
All we need now is a few more miracles. Can i even ask this? I am, I have too. It allows hope in a better future and finalization in this chapter I am so done with.

18

18 days untill anika noel arrives and i am soooo ready!

drum roll please!

anika comes december 10th! so excited to finalize that. Really? was it that hard!

rammy has ty

wow, i can not believe how quiet my casa is with out ty. My mom graciously(sp) took ty home to YUma for two weeks so that i could get some rest and stu could mabe sleep some too. I have been resting up and getting ready for Anika (comin in a week to 4). Stuart has been working like a mad dog and hardly home. It has been way weird with out ty though. We both miss him so much but no that he is having fun with the cousins and kids and tractors and everything down in YUma. My mom and i are trying to get atime line going for when and how everything should run but it has been amazingly difficult bc the docs keep changing there mind. i canceled my neurosurgeon appt on monday. hoping that this will help finalize things with me high risk ob. i keep telling them that she is gonna come in 4 weeks so someone should make up their mind. I really think that they are expecting me to come in and tell them that i have had it. This saturday we had a small baby shower for me at the casa. I appreciate everyone that came. It was fun just to be involved in normal baby events. I am grateful for it.

tickets

i have time out tickets for anyone.

no shit...

sorry for the profanity... so went to the dr today. they plan on doing the c-section in the next 6 weeks. found it funny and dumb that i pay them how much for 15 min for them to tell me this.

shunt was recalibrated on Friday, had my 6 xray to date in the pregnancy. still can't see that well, not going to look for it too come back. hahaha (get it)! probibly c-section will be when it goes completely or i can't stand the pain anymore. and by pain i mean my head going to split bc the fluid in my brain is pushing my brain against my skull bc the shunt isn't draining bc my belly is too big. IT is like sinus pressure that shifts except when it does i spin, fall down (not so good right now), slur like i am drunk, can't complete a sentence kind a fun.


Four months from now... iam looking forward to sleep. really !

week at grams

so sunday we packed ty up and he went to grams for a week. I remember the week or months that I would spend at my grandmas. I loved them and now we have a great relationship. I hope that ty and my mom will too. but this is how halloween was spent. stuart took ty around and i sat and passed out candy untill they got back. Halloweeen in uma is sooo different we have like 1000 trick or treaters and here we have like 60. granted it is all the kids from Mexico but still it lasts forever and you run out of candy. Here i have candy for the next year.

25

quarter of a century! Did not expect life to be like this and that is just fine with me! I am excited for the next 25 years and in hopes that i will have learned somethings from my past. At least I don't have to be at highschool or deal with dating. hahahaa

Five to Six

Five to Six weeks and Anika will be here! Time is flying and i am starting to have to be in bed more and more. I went to church on Sunday and I fear it was the last. 3 hours was hard! and the contractions never end. well, ok they do. So taste is gone, but i still have my sight in one eye. I have so much that I need to get done. I finally created a list and have stared to knock stuff off of it. My mom might be back for a weekend visit on the 25th of Oct. and then back on the 10th of Nov. Ty just got out of the bath and had a awesome mohawk. He is such a good boy. We have so much fun during the day and I am so glad that it is cool for him to go outside! I love fall. IT is my favorite season by far. I love the smell of pumkin and spice and the colors. There are so many decoration that I want to get but funny how something gets in the way each season. You know how things happen in threes... well, our oven/microwave burnt up, and water heater is out. and then our bathroom is full of mold bc who puts carpet in a bathroom. Not big fixes but expensive ones Stuart is soo handy when he wants to be. Growen up he had to fix everything and he just has a nack(sp) for it. Speaking of who brought me Dunkin Doughnuts, I love the chocholate cake ones. He is kind. I think i want the taverntine tile for in the bathroom and we are thinking of making our shower a walk in. Just have to wait till i find that cheap. In the mean time we need the waterheater first and then oven before thanksgiving cus everyone is coming here for it. Ohh thats another thing that i am getting ready for and then there is the question of christmas and what to do. We got at Christmas tree tag so that will be fun to go chop another one. Mabe get a pretty one last years looked like Charlie Browns. anyway just alot on my head and it hurts and is big and well that is an understatment but you get it. thanks for the rant. Still stuck with nothing completed! Weird.

Seems

Wow, it seems all that all i do is complain. Great realization! ya that sucked. My mom came this weekend and my grandma is coming on Wednesday. I am sure that we are going to get fined for the freakin huge RV that will be parked in our from yard or the cops will come but what will they say, "move the RV." ya for some reason authority just doesn't bug me or I have no real care for them. mabe it is because i got in some much trouble as a youth. whatever. so i am in mad dash mode to clean my home and get it ready for them so that my 80 year old gram isn't cleaning. Why or When does the busy bee end? My mom is exactly the same. Put them together and wow you have a show, but i need the help. so anyways there i go again complaining. So that is this week and Anika is 3.4 lbs! ya, and the doctors are still in arguing phase. ANy1 no House?

Last Thanksgiving was my bestest friends wedding in Florida. As Thanksgiving quickly approaches I am in awe at the mysteries life presents. To think that a year ago we thought that we had beaten all the odds, how naive we are. This Thanksgivng we will have a new addition, Anika Noel. And another life changing event soon after. In just a short year everything for us has changed and change is hard. For those of you in transitition we understand the pain and confusion that life brings, but we know that if we can beat these odds, anything and everything is possible!

To those that follow this and our lives know that I am out of sorts, not myself, weird and it is going to get worse. Please do not let me offend. I wish that I was in control but am not.

Support is needed right now so this is an open invitation to come and hang out. Whenever!

Once again...

Monday morning i awoke to my arm three times it's normal size. The Picc nurse came and evaluated and yep.. i had blown it. So by 1230 I had Ty with a babysitter, thank you steph, and was driving to banner desert. I went to the Preggo triage thinking that since i was preggo that i should start there. Four hours later the one Picc nurse for the whole hospital looks and says that it needs to come out. duh! So they took it and kept some to culture it to see if it is infected as well. By 8 that night the Preggo triage decides that i need to be seen by a internist. So they wheel me down to the Real ER on a Monday at 930. Never do this. Do not go to the ER on a Monday night at 930! I convinced stuart to go home so that he could get some sleep and TY could go to bed in his own bed. Luckily, stuart took my purse as well. IT was one less thing that i had to worry about. There is something to be said for the type of pple in the ER that night. Lets just say that I worked at a Psych ward for too long. 6 long hours later they figuare that I can't be put on anything that would help and all I need is warm compresses. Joyness. Stuart came back and picked me up. So I have no IV or Zofran and Iam back to being in bed. OHhh and this morning puss starting to come out of the sight. Thanks for the infection, dirtest place in the world. Lets hope it doesn't go to my shunt. I swear that this is just getting complicated for the heck of it. Anyone want to pay that bill?

July update

We went on a family trip to Idaho and Ty did so great on the plane. Stuart's rents and sister and brother went with us. We came home and I was immediately put on IV and Zofran pump. To date I am 20 weeks! Can't believe that I am half way there or 12 weeks away from a little one. For odd reasons we have been written off by Stuart's family after the trip. Long story short, I am too opinionated for my own good. I have always been the 'devil' just this time Stuart stood up for me. That was a great thing for our relationship as all these trials have brought us so much closer. We still don't know whether it is a boy or girl or both. Hopefully, we will find out soon.
Ty is soooo big. He his saying so many words and phrases. We are extremely blessed for his development. He is soooo kewt!
WE are finally feeling excitement for the adventures to come. I think that personally, I will always defy the odds. Feel free to stop by. I am at home.

IT"S A GIRL?

ya so you are as confused as us. today they said that it is a girl. ok well see what they say in another 4 weeks. I start Home health soon to start the IV and continue bed rest. I have lost 15 lbs. this sucks. jst got back form idaho. everything is crazy.

it's a boy!

#2 is kickin my butt. Went to the ER and got 3000 ml of fluid bc i am not keeping anything in. Ty broke his nose tripping over the dogs and Stuart is working nights and not sleeping during the day. I have been trying to find things to do outside the home but Ty got sick today and all he wanted was home. This has been the craziest week. IT started with Memorial Day and Stuart's family in town. Then Nightshift began. Last weekend we went down to Yuma for Kelley(his sister's graduation) drama drama drama. Between speeches in Spanish and Chinese only and almost getting beat up in the bathroom by a cholo bc mi gringa, I am not missing it. IT was fun to see familia. This weekend we might be going back down as Stuart's bro is in town b4 getting shipped back to Iraq. He is in the AirForce. Goooo. Everything would be easier if food would just stay down.

today

today was hard. I had an appointment for our first ultrasound. everything is fine with the baby. don't get nervous. however, the bills are just sermounting. Mayo is getting denied, from all the expermental tests on my tumor and we are just surrounded by bills. I have been able to negotiate through and advoid collections thus far but the end is near. But finally, stuart felt happy when he saw the baby on the ultrasound. so as i manage finances and not tell him a thing, he is coming around. there are risks and soon i will be back at the high risk doctor and they will mandate bed rest. With a 2 year old i doubt i'll follow orders. i am happy and calm this time and it is the best feeling! so the due date is December 15 but we probibly will be delievering in Oct just as Ty came at 32 weeks because i start to have brain damage. it sounds worse than it is. we are so excited for the new arrival!!!

defying

yes yes, i started showing way earily this time and while we were going to keep it secret for a little while to adjust to it. i am preggers. just barely 9 weeks. not excited just more nervous and stressed grateful and blessed.

blessings in this life transcend through the unexpected

everything has been so amazing lately. Friday is my last day at mayo and i fee anew with strength as everything has come back normal. The tumor is there but is not doing a thing. and now to our surprize we have a new miracle that hopefully will come to be. we have been under so much trials since we first got married and an amazing realization that this trial time is coming to an end. I can not tell you how greatful i am for this realization. i feel that i am doing my best and ty is a sure firecracker but growing so well. Just add this one to the list of things that happen for no reason but to make you better and appreciate more.

us on JAX beach!

Hi

Well, after alot of thought i decided that i needed something to occupy my time that i don't have! I think this will be fun.