thought that this was funny when i found it.
got helps this week at home care of the higley rs.
thanks so much bc i am burnt beyond scraping off the edges and applying more butter to your toast.
scooting is my method of travel
an apple was a tomatoe, not a good surprise

i fear it is going to be a long two weeks.


on the good side, anika got another chiropractic adjustment and is now sleeping more than 15 min. Going to try cat nip for her collic as nothing else has worked.

more questions than answers

(so i wrote it once but accidently deleted it...) as usual... more questions than answers. but Obstructive Hydrocephalus because papiledemia was seen, which means that the spinal fluid is getting backed up in my brain and blew my optic disk in my eye so i get more blind spots and the possiblily of blindness. SO. MRI with and without contrast (can breastfeed for 48 hrs... do i supplement or try to get enough stored), a shunt series. They poke a Lumbar Puncture needle in the shunt extract fluid and put dye in and watch it run through my system. IF it is the shunt then a revision is done and since the docs are there then they might try to get part of the tumor. IF they can get the rest of the tumor then the shunt will not be placed back in and they will keep me with a shunt release tap (cathedar in the brain to drain off fluid into a bag) IF i can survive without it then it doesn't get put back in. IF they get the tumor out then back to pathology and hope it remains benign but since it regrew that chance is slim. So then Chemo and radiation begins.

great, fun, hospital food is the best. We can afford another 300,000 thats pocket change. ( deep sarcasm and irritation fully noted)

Conclusions

tonight i sit feeding anika and think how quickily time flies, greatful for my time with her. mabe there is a reason for the long days and even longer nights that have transpired. tomarw we go to the neurosurgeon and hope for the conclusion to this time in my life. stuart deserves a wife free of pain. soon. so tomarow comes and i haven't a clue on what the answer will be or if any. or will we just begin searching again for answers somewhere else in the world. St. judes is an option or what about CederSinai in LA. Boston? Shams in Jacksonville? how far must i search. India or Italy? I just want to find House.

seriously all i want to do is get a hard workout in, without passin out. (lose the baby weight) See without seeing duplicates. Hear without the ring or the sound of my heart in the background. Smell the correct thing. Taste what i am really eating. Feel hot and cold. Not be exhausted. SLEEP and go into REM. Not slurring my speech. Think clearly. and laugh without making my head hurt worse.

mabe tomarrow...

uugh!!!

We do NOT color on the tile! WHo said 2 year olds can't clean.

this is what happens when i have to feed, hold or take care of Anika.

Any suggestions?

WHEWW. WHat a ChRistMAs wE had!

Anika came a day earily. 6.2 18 in long on 12.9

This is me in Labor and ready to push. 15 min later she and i went into stress and the C.Section was bumped up. Never a Dull moment!

Ty meeting Anika for the First Time!

Ty helping Megan Eat. She is our anorexic dog.

Ty was sooo into presents...

Gun was not included...

New Years Eve. Start them earily.

Anika's coming home outfit..

Ty letting prima taygen opening his gifts

Santa brought a choo choo train.

Thats her Buca.

Got her first smile.

Prima Peso dressing in ANika's clothes







So as you can see it was a busy Christmas Season. Greatful to be back from Yuma. We also did Anika's blessing there and those pictures are somewhere?! I'll find them eventually. In the mean time. Sleep is a void. Laughter is easily found. Hope is inwaiting and faith gaining in stride.

AWWE!!! what a month. Christmas came and went in a blur